We Use Different Rulers

The OPI guy is really enjoying this, isn't he?, I signaled to Sarah. She raised one of her eyebrows and wiggled it curiously, not sure of the message that I was trying to convey to her.

This is torture, I tried again, mimicking a knife running across my palm.

Sarah smiled in her familiar sinister fashion. She pointed to the 5 Quality Principles booklet, gently tapping her index finger on the lines--

2. Prevention

She was saying: You know what this OPI Twelve Modules is all about. You could have easily gotten yourself out of this mess. You are from OPS Department, man. Your excuses would have been the word of God. Plant trip. Production loss. Equipment failure. No one would have said, No, you can't go. You could have avoided this spine-twisting, mind-numbing, life-killing boredom corkscrew from Hell.

I smiled, and we returned to the OPI guy. He was drawing a PDCA cycle on the flipchart, trying to convince the class that this was the ultimate tool, "the only tool" he said, that would ensure Quality.

It was quarter past two and everybody in the classroom was dozing off. The training coordinator from HRD kept knocking his forehead on the Mesra mineral water bottle he was using to prop up his chin.

Lunch was nothing extraordinary. The Regency Hotel in Bintulu is a global champion in the "least desired, much to improve" category. The company would never usually arrange for training in this kind of shithole. But once in a while, ParkCity Everly would get fully booked, and a few poor buggers would end up spending a week in Regency's foul-smelling, pee-stained "conference room", undergoing training on HSE, ISO 9001 or Quality. Parking space is limited, the air-cond is weak, the surau is a big joke, the list goes on and on. The only good thing about The Regency is that it sits right in the middle of Bintulu town. At the very least, you could sneak out for a few minutes and go to the nearby bank or post office during tea break.

The OPI guy flipped the chart and began drawing a Pareto diagram.

I felt something pricking me. Sarah had written a note on a piece of hotel legal pad and was flicking it from across the table. She wrote:

I think Nani is the scribbles scribbles prettiest girl in the company

Sarah has the worst penmanship for a girl, that was my first thought. I turned to look at her. She was busy pretending to pay attention to class because the OPI guy was looking around for a volunteer to do something in front. He was trying to elucidate a point, that in this business, all levels of personnel within the organization are bound by the requirements as specified by the customer. He wanted to drive this point across with a little role-playing exercise. Any volunteers?

After what seemed like an eternity of uneasy silence, a young QMI technician held his hand up. The entire class felt utter relief.

Sarah turned around, and saw that I was waiting for her. What do you mean, I asked, pointing to her note. Where did this come from. She rolled her eyes in disbelief. She pointed to where Nani was sitting, her lips forming a sharp arrow, and she repeatedly tapped the cheek bone under her right eye, saying, C'mon dude, look, look, just look at her.

Nani was sitting at the table where all the old ladies were sitting. She was trying hard to stay awake, chewing on candies and mints, massaging her thin pencil neck. One glass of water became two, three, one whole bottle, two bottles. Then finally she would get up to go to the ladies, walk around the hallway and come back again.

I kept looking at Nani until Sarah interrupted me again with another ugly note:

gigi dia cantik

hidung dia mancung

big strong eyes

well-defined eyebrows, not too thick/thin

nice scribbles bone structure

muka dia perfect

takkan ko tak perasan smiley face

An elderly guy from Area Three called for a five-minute cigarette break. The class Penghulu, on behalf of the disadvantaged ladies and non-smokers, instead suggested that the tea break is brought forward by half an hour. The OPI guy heavily resisted the suggestion, arguing that they would not be able to finish the syllabus in time since there were still some training modules to go. But half the classroom had already marched out; lounging at the coffee tables, taking a refreshing dump in the toilet, calling friends to set up a dinner date, mulling over family plans for the weekend -- Leaving the OPI guy arguing by himself, effectively ignoring him or the hint of authority that his position might have carried.

Sarah continued her banter over Nani from where we had left it off.

"Don't tell me you have never noticed them. You see her everyday."

I smiled cheerily, dismissing the whole thing.

She grinned and rolled her eyes back, fully knowing the conversation would not go any further than this - a series of friendly exchanges of apathetic smiles and frustrated sighs over a cup of hot tea and biscuits.

Nani returned from the lobby after making a phone call, a light trail of condensed radio signal vapors followed her to the coffee tables.

As she walked passed by us, Sarah looked at me looking at Nani. In a glimpse, I could see all the traits she had listed, proving Nani's ultimate magazine beauty.

I turned to Sarah, who was waiting for a sign, and I signaled her a No.

"Faizal, you are blind and stupid", she said, as she dove into her cup.

"We use different rulers, Sarah."

This is a true story, but the details are highly fictionalized. The events did take place, sometime in 2006 or 2007. Sarah and Nani are colleagues from work. Today, Sarah is in Carigali KL and Nani is on maternal leave, expecting her first.